How to be a Good Wife
by Catherine4
Summary: I found this article from a 1950's text book and I thought it would be fun to play around with. Complete, uninterupted Carby fuzz! Sorry the chapters are so short, it didn't look right when I uploeaded it all in one go
1. Chapter 1

Have Diner ready: Plan ahead to have a delicious meal ready on time. This is a way of letting him know you have been thinking of him and are concerned about his needs.  
  
***  
  
"Abby!" Carter walked through the door to their house and clumsily hung his coat up on the hook in the hallway. "Abby?!"  
  
He paused. No reply. He walked through to the kitchen and threw his bag down on the table, displacing a few colouring pens and sending them flying across the room. He sighed, to tired and lazy to pick them up and flicked the switch to boil the kettle.  
  
He yawned and walked over to the freezer, opening it slowly to avoid knocking all the magnets off the front. He was just bending down to peer inside when he heard the front door slam. Then a groan as she looked inside and saw the state of the house.  
  
Carter giggled at his wife's tone of voice and walked out of the kitchen door. Abby's mood lightened considerably and she smiled, hugging him.  
  
"Been home long?"  
  
"No, not really, had to drop Bethan off at a friend's house."  
  
Abby snuggled into his chest, enjoying his soothing touch at the end of a long day. "And Ollie?"  
  
"He's gone to the park with Sam and his mother. So much for my day off, I was running around all morning trying to find his favorite top." Carter paused, enjoying the calmness of the house without the screams of two noisy little kids. "Hard day at work?"  
  
Abby nodded  
  
"Coffee?"  
  
"That'll be great."  
  
Carter walked back into the kitchen with Abby following behind and got two mugs out of the cupboard. "So, what's for dinner?"  
  
Abby just looked at him blankly. Her? Cook? You must be joking.  
  
Carter tutted and rolled his eyes then looked at her pointedly. "You were meant to go to the store after your shift?"  
  
Abby groaned again, slapping her hand to her forehead. She looked at Carter, over exaggerating her tiredness and frustration and looking majorly worn out.  
  
Carter smiled and hugged her again. "Take away? How about pizza?" 


	2. Chapter 2

Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup and be fresh looking. Smile and be a bit more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.  
  
* * *  
  
"Mummy!" Ollie came running through the front door, his latest masterpiece from school clutched in one hand and leapt enthusiastically onto the sofa beside Abby. "Look what I painted for you today!"  
  
Abby smiled, looking even more worn out than she had half an hour ago when Carter went out. She heaved herself up to a sitting position and lifted her 3 year old son onto her lap while he proudly showed off a very bright painting of an ambulance.  
  
"Look, there's a pamedic. I saw one that time you took me to work, remember? He gave me a sweetie!"  
  
Abby smiled and nodded, trying to look interested. She looked up and saw Carter and Bethan standing in the doorway, smirking at Abby getting squashed.  
  
"Ok, kids" Carter finally spoke up, reliving Abby from the lump bouncing around on top of her. "Go upstairs and put you stuff away."  
  
Ollie jumped of Abby's lap obediently and charged up the stairs.  
  
"Hi Mum!" came the muffled reply from Bethan from halfway up the stairs, drowned out by clumping footsteps.  
  
Carter looked sympathetically at Abby walked further into the room. He moved Ollie's painting to one side and sat down. "Another one for the freezer then?" Carter laughed.  
  
Abby whacked his arm playfully, clearly telling him she was not in the mood and laid her head on his shoulder.  
  
"Bad day?"  
  
"The worst" Abby complained. "I'd rather not talk about it."  
  
"You look like you need a good rest."  
  
"Yeah, sure" Abby said sarcastically "With 2 kids? You must be joking."  
  
"Go on" Carter encouraged lovingly, helping her to stand up and gently nudging her towards the bottom of the stairs, "Go and lie down and I'll bring you some tea." 


	3. Chapter 3

Clear away the clutter: Make one last trip through the main part of the house, gathering up school books, toys and paper before your husband arrives. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order.  
  
* * *  
  
Carter slowly walked up the stairs carrying two cups of tea and narrowly missed treading on something and flying back down the stairs as he put his foot on the last step. He looked down to see what it was.  
  
"Bethan! Don't leave your dolls at the top of the stairs!"  
  
"Sorry" came the shy reply as she scuttled out of her room and swept it up, disappearing just as quickly.  
  
Carter quietly pushed open the door to their bedroom, careful not to wake her if she was sleeping. He opened the door fully and saw he sitting bolt upright in bed.  
  
"Hey, I thought I told you to sleep?"  
  
Abby looked at him and scowled. "No, you told me to rest. Which I am. You really expect me to be able to sleep with those two noisy Herberts outside?"  
  
"That's true" Carter nodded. He placed one cup down on the bedside cabinet and passed the other one to Abby. He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled his shoes off, then swung his legs round and under the covers.  
  
His foot hit something squashy and he pulled out a fairly large blue teddy bear. He shook his head and sighed. "They have their own rooms to make a mess in, why do they insist on cluttering up the rest of the house as well?"  
  
"Beats me" Abby replied, closing her eyes and resting her head on her pillow. "I found 3 odd shoes and an action man figure in the corner this morning. Hey, you don't think our house is cursed do you?"  
  
Carter looked at her quizzically.  
  
"All the objects seem to end up in places they don't belong. I don't see any other explanation for it."  
  
Carter chuckled and kissed her forehead. She moaned quietly and rolled on to her side to face him. They kissed more passionately on the lips and Carter brought his hand up to Abby's face. The paused when the heard a snicker coming from the doorway. They turned over to find their 6 year old daughter standing there looking distinctly revolted.  
  
"Bleurgh!" 


	4. Chapter 4

Prepare the children: Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces and make them presentable. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.  
  
* * *  
  
"Dad, Ollie's annoying me!" Bethan complained and walked over to her parents in the bed. She tugged at Carter's shirt and he reluctantly sat up. "What's he doing?"  
  
"He stole 'Babbitt' and he won't give her back! And he keeps coming in my room!"  
  
"Abby, do you want to sort this one out?"  
  
Abby groaned and rolled back over. "Boy's are your problem."  
  
"Come on Dad! I want Babbit back!"  
  
"In a minute" Carter replied, getting out of bed. Bethan seemed satisfied with that answer and sauntered back along the landing.  
  
"Thanks a lot Abby." Carter complained playfully and threw his pillow at Abby.  
  
"Ow! What was that for?! You just said I should rest."  
  
Carter opened his mouth to try and think of a witty come back but was unable to come up with a satisfying argument.  
  
"Ha ha!" Abby replied, looking smug. "Anyway, you were the one who insisted on another child. I was perfectly happy with the one!"  
  
"Dad!"  
  
Abby chuckled. "Go and sort out your kids!"  
  
"They're your kids too!"  
  
"Only when they behave."  
  
* * *  
  
Abby was just about to drop off to sleep when she was awoken by to sets of high pitched squeals.  
  
"Help! Dad's tickling us!" Ollie squealed and the two of them came flying into the room, complete with a rightfully re-acquired Babbit, and jumped on to the bed in unison. All was quiet for a split second then Carter came running through the door.  
  
The kids squealed again and dived under the covers. Abby grimaced slightly as one of them elbowed her but still couldn't help giggling. She rolled her eyes and looked at Carter in mock annoyance.  
  
"You told me to rest!"  
  
Carter gave her his best puppy-dog face and she hit him playfully on the arm. "Honestly, sometimes it's like I've got three kids in the house instead of two." 


	5. Chapter 5

Minimize the noise: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise from household appliances or pets. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.  
  
* * *  
  
"Shut it you two!" Abby tried to sound annoyed at her children shouting next door but it didn't really come out that way. "Anyway, diner's ready."  
  
Abby paused. Nothing. "Kids!"  
  
The both bounded into the kitchen a split second later and jumped onto their chairs at the table. When they saw the delivery pizza boxes, Ollie's face lit up, but Bethan looked less impressed.  
  
"Mum! Don't you ever cook?"  
  
"Nope." Carter emerged out of the larder with a bottle of lemonade and reached onto the shelf to get four glasses.  
  
"Well, you should. Pizza gets boooooooooring!"  
  
"I like it!" Ollie spluttered, a mouth full of cheese and tomato.  
  
"Don't talk with tour mouth full" Abby told him and passed him a napkin. He ignored it completely and Abby gave up and put it down on the table next to him.  
  
"Does that animal ever shut up?" Carter groaned at the dog next door.  
  
"I don't know" Abby said, pouring a glass of lemonade, "It's probably just trying to compete with all the noise us lot seem to make."  
  
"Ow! Bethan kicked me!"  
  
"Did not!"  
  
"Did too! Mum, it really hurt!" Ollie yelled, clutching his leg and howling, way over the top.  
  
Carter and Abby both looked at each other and rolled their eyes.  
  
"Kids, do you want to quieten down?" Carter asked, not expecting them to pay attention in a million years, but trying none the less.  
  
"But it hurt!"  
  
"I didn't do anything, Dad! He's just a whining little baby!"  
  
"Stop it both of you! Your even annoying the neighbor's dog!"  
  
Bethan suddenly stopped annoying her brother and turned to her Mum. "Nah, I think Dad's singing did that!"  
  
All three of them looked at Carter and burst out laughing.  
  
"Hey! It's not that bad! 'It's not unusual to be loved by anyone.'"  
  
"John! Stop it!" Abby tried to tell him off through her giggles  
  
"Thanks a lot! My own family is ganging up on me."  
  
Abby looked at him and shrugged. "At least they're not arguing anymore." 


	6. Chapter 6

Listen to him: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.  
  
* * *  
  
"Hey, Ollie, how about a chocolate biscuit for desert?" Abby asked, already knowing the answer. Their little boy nodded wildly and Abby lifted him off her lap in front of the TV. "Well then, If you go and ask your sister really nicely, maybe she'll go and get them down for you."  
  
Ollie ran out of the room and Carter looked at Abby oddly. "I thought you said they shouldn't eat too many sweets because they're bad for their teeth?"  
  
Abby looked at the floor nervously. "I did."  
  
Carter looked even more confused. "So."  
  
"Umm." Abby kept looking at her feet. "I have something."  
  
"Mum! Ollie stole the last Kit Kat! I wanted it."  
  
Abby jumped and snapped out of it, sitting upright and looking at her daughter. "Why don't you break it in half and share another one as well?"  
  
Bethan shrugged and walked off in a bit of a sulk. Carter turned back towards Abby. "You were saying?"  
  
Abby turned to him confused, loosing her nerve. "What? Oh, nothing. What's on TV?" Abby picked up the remote and started absently flicking through channels. Carter looked at her for a second, trying to read her expression but gave up in the end and put his arm around her, watching the TV too.  
  
"What do you fancy?" Abby asked him, flicking from one channel to another. "You choose."  
  
Carter looked uninterested at the TV as images of lions eating zebras and boring English guys talking about antiques flash across the screen and looked quizzically at his wife, who was avoiding eye contact.  
  
"Abby, are you sure you're ok? It sounded like you wanted to tell me something before."  
  
"No really, I'm fine. You must've been imagining things."  
  
Carter rolled his eyes and settled back into the sofa. There was no way he would get her to tell him what was on her mind if she didn't want to. Carter had learned that before and had stopped trying long ago. At least they knew where Bethan got her stubborn streak.  
  
"Ow! Stop it!" Came Bethan's shriek from the next room, as if on cue. Abby and Carter both looked at each other.  
  
Abby rolled her eyes and stood up. "I guess girls are my problem, right?"  
  
Carter nodded at her. "Yup." 


	7. Chapter 7

Make him comfortable: Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Allow him to relax and unwind.  
  
* * *  
  
"I sent Ollie to bed" Abby announced as she walked back into the room. "He was looking really tired and I thought this house would be a whole lot more peaceful if him and Bethan weren't screaming at each other."  
  
Carter nodded. Abby slid down next to him on the living room sofa and began massaging his shoulders. "Hmmm." Carter moaned softly "A little lower."  
  
Abby stopped with a cheeky grin and kissed his neck. "How much lower?"  
  
"Abby!" Carter exclaimed, and grabbed her waist and pulled her onto his lap. "Bethan."  
  
Abby glanced over at her daughter through doorway into the kitchen table. "Nah, she's too busy becoming the next Van Gough to pay attention to us."  
  
"Didn't he cut his ear off?"  
  
Abby gave a disinterested shrug and started kissing him again. "I don't know, whatever."  
  
Carter started to relent but still resisted. "But."  
  
"She'll be going to bed in a minute, then we can do whatever we want."  
  
Carter gave in and kissed her passionately on the lips but then paused and looked at Abby  
  
Abby rolled her eyes. "What?"  
  
"She's right there."  
  
Abby chuckled and stroked his face. "Bethan! Bedtime!  
  
They heard a clatter of pens and a sleepy head poked round the door. "Night night."  
  
Abby smiled. "Goodnight sweetie, don't wake your brother, ok?" Bethan nodded sleepily and plodded up the stairs.  
  
Abby turned back to her husband and smirked. "Happy now?"  
  
"Ecstatic. Now come here." Carter hugged her tightly and pulled her closer. Abby willingly gave in and reciprocated his loving touch.  
  
"So, you had a tiring day?" Abby asked him, running her fingers through his hair and kissing him tenderly on the cheek.  
  
"No, not really."  
  
"Fancy a tiring night?"  
  
"Oh yeah." 


	8. Chapter 8

The goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can relax.  
  
* * *  
  
Carter rolled over in bed and put his arm around his wife. He pulled her close and began kissing her neck.  
  
"Hey Carter!" She complained, laughing. "Haven't you had enough?"  
  
"Never." He replied, not stopping. "How is it possible you can make me feel so relaxed?"  
  
"Umm.." Abby paused. "Carter?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"You know earlier? You thought I wanted to tell you something?"  
  
"Yeah." Carter ran his fingers through Abby's hair and kissed her on the lips.  
  
"Well, I did."  
  
Carter stopped and looked her in the eye concerned. "What did you want to tell me?"  
  
"Umm.. Well.." Abby stuttered, loosing her nerve.  
  
"As long as it has nothing to do with my jeep that you borrowed the other day, that's fine" Carter said, with a chuckle.  
  
"Well, funny you should say that." Abby said, sitting up in bed looking slightly worried. "I, uh. You know that scratch? Well."  
  
"Mum! I had a nightmare!" Ollie wailed from the room across the landing.  
  
"I'll go!" Abby called, a little too eager and leapt out of bed and darted out the room.  
  
"What?" Carter asked, confused. He paused and suddenly realised what she meant. "WHAT??!"  
  
Abby poked her head back round the door with a cheeky grin on her face. "Sorry!" 


End file.
